My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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