I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
