His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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