Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
