I wanna bring you to show and tell
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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