worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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