it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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