I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do vagina's smell?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
