i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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