I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
