Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
