I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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