Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
