do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
