Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
