I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
