So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
