"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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