I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
