FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this boner is exhausting
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
