Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
