Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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