Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
