I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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