There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
