oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
