If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
