He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
