I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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