I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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