I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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