I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
