i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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