We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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