I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Even my vagina gasped.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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