So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
