My nipple is on Facebook.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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