dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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