It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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