Non-Jews are for practice
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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