Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
