where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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