Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
