Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
