i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
