There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
