im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
