at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
