my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
