We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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