I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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