im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
